My Favorite Movies of 2012

I wrote this around Oscar season and never posted it. Shame to let it go to waste, I guess.

I saw a lot of movies last year, and here’s how I rank them …

31. “Snow White & the Huntsman”—Kristen Stewart (who I like very much) was miscast and laughable as a “warrior princess,” while Charlize Theron wildly overacted. The only redeeming part of this dreck was budding superstar Chris Hemsworth.

30. “What to Expect When You’re Expecting”—Yep, the Hollywood marketers put one over on me; the trailers made it look like this was gonna be a rom-com a guy could love, a la Judd Apatow, with the collection of male comedians stuck on babysitting duty. Instead, they were barely in it and all their scenes were in the trailer. Call it the “Inglorious Basterds” of chick flicks.

29. “Taken 2”—Awful. Just … awful.

28. “Lockout”—Guy Pearce was fun (nice mini-comeback year for him, by the way), but the rest was utterly forgettable.

27. “Dark Shadows”—All the best parts were in the trailer.

26. “Ted”—Like all Seth McFarlane humor, the same joke over and over again wears out quickly. And this was a lot longer than a 20-minute episode of “Family Guy.”

25. “21 Jump Street”—Could qualify for Pleasant Surprise of the Year. Much better than I’d ever thought possible.

24. “The Expendables 2”—As a whole, this was a better movie than the first one; but it was just missing that over-the-top, laugh-out-loud action factor. Jean-Claude van Damme was awesome, though.

23. “Pitch Perfect”—Fun movie that’s already gaining cult-status. How can you not love Anna Kendrick?

22. “This Is 40”—This is not Judd Apatow’s best work. It’s the type of movie where if you think about it afterward, you can come up with any number of little complaints. But it was never so annoying that I ever wanted to turn it off, and I was engaged all the way through.

21. “Moonrise Kingdom”—Perhaps Wes Anderson just isn’t for me. This movie was too cute and clever by half.

20. “The Hunger Games”—Up until the last 15 minutes of the movie (which were way too rushed), this was as good an adaptation of the book as I could’ve hoped for. Jennifer Lawrence … wow, what a great year she had.

19. “Wreck-It Ralph”—The first half was some of the best animated work I’ve seen in years; it was exactly what I hoped for out of a movie celebrating the history of videogames and hit all my tickle spots. Unfortunately, the second half drifted off into standard kid’s-movie fare. Still, overall a good experience.

18. “Skyfall”—Yeah, that’s right: I liked “Twilight” better than “Skyfall.” This movie is a train wreck compared to the other two Daniel Craig films. It drops everything the first two built and goes off on a tangent that goes nowhere. I don’t want to see a self-conscious, unconfident, mopey James Bond. This is the type of movie that gets worse and worse the more you think about it. Craig, Judi Dench, and Javier Bardem are so good they salvage it from being utter rubbish, but it’s nowhere near the level of the other two.

17. “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn—Part 2”—Snicker and snipe all you want, but these movies did exactly what they were supposed to, and they’re much better than anyone gives them credit for. Looking back on the series, the only one I didn’t like was “New Moon,” and that’s basically because that book is nearly un-adaptable. “Breaking Dawn—Part 2” was a perfectly enjoyable two hours at the movies, and the filmmakers did well by these characters in the end. Just like the rest of the films in this franchise, the beginning was a little shaky and stilted, but then it hit its stride and the conclusion was engaging and rewarding. Well done.

16. “Atlas Shrugged II: The Strike”—Everything about the second installment was better than the first, except perhaps Samantha Mathis as Dagny Taggert. But Jason Beghe more than made up for her with his sparkling turn as Hank Rearden.

15. “The Bourne Legacy”—Matt Damon, who? Jeremy Renner rules.

14. “The Amazing Spider-Man”—I couldn’t have been more down on this movie going in, but it won me over almost immediately almost purely through the remarkable work of star Andrew Garfield. He is a better Peter Parker than Tobey Maguire, and the rest of the movie supported him nicely. Really, except for that cheesy crane scene and a bit of the been-there-done-that vibe, this was a fine entry in the franchise.

13. “Lawless”—Tom Hardy had himself a year, huh? He’s magnetic here as the elder brother in this clan of young moonshiners. I thoroughly enjoyed this movie, but two very specific things held it back: Guy Pearce’s character was just too over the top evil, and the climax was overdone and didn’t stay true to the rest of the movie. Otherwise, it’s a really good flick.

12. “Argo”—With this one Ben Affleck proved his great directing skills aren’t limited to movies set in Boston. Has there ever been a bigger surprise behind the camera than Affleck? I’d given him up for dead long ago, but now he’s debuted with three straight excellent directorial efforts. “Argo” is my least favorite of those, but it’s still a really good movie; it just never hit that “next level” for me for some reason. Bonus points, too, for the purely coincidental timing of “Argo” and the Benghazi disaster.

11. “Looper”—Every year needs a good, noir-ish, dystopian, sci-fi thriller, and that was “Looper” in 2012. Great performances by Bruce Willis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt, a smart script, and superb art direction mean this movie is built to last.

10. “Act of Valor”—I don’t want to hear about the acting. I just don’t. Of course the acting wasn’t great; those are freakin’ Navy SEALs up there on screen. This movie is all about the action sequences, and they are some of the best I’ve ever seen. That scene where the gunboat comes around the corner of the river … that alone was enough to put this in my top 10. “Act of Valor” is a movie college kids are gonna watch in their dorm rooms at 2 a.m. 10 years from now.

9. “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”—The comparisons to Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy are inevitable, but perhaps unfair. The source material isn’t nearly as grand for this trilogy as the last; “Hobbit” is more whimsical, and Jackson captures that essence quite well. I thought the movie dragged a tad in the middle, but the first and final acts were everything I could hope for; the key scene between Gollum and Bilbo was as wonderful as any filmmaker could hope to accomplish. And Martin Freeman was the absolute right choice as Bilbo; he and Richard Armitage (as Thorin) carried the movie on their backs.

8. “Marvel’s The Avengers”—Though it gets off to a rocky start (stilted dialogue, etc.), Joss Whedon turns in what has to be considered one of the best superhero movies of all time with this massive ensemble extravaganza. Robert Downey Jr.’s Tony Stark anchors the whole thing, but everyone else is good, too (particularly Scarlett Johannson). And the climactic battle was as thrilling a sequence as anything I saw all year. Plus, you know, Hulk smash.

7. “Silver Linings Playbook”—I was not prepared for what a hard-hitting, emotional punch this movie packs. All of the Oscar nods are more than deserved, as every actor in the film is brilliant. It is a remarkable examination of mental illness and what it takes to recover and heal.

6. “2016: Obama’s America”—This may have been a notch or two higher had it actually cost Obama the election, but credit Dinesh D’Souza for doing what the media still refuses to do—examine Barack Obama’s history to find out who he is and what he believes. D’Souza doesn’t go muckraking; he simply pores over Obama’s own written words and then puts them into true context, as opposed to the sleight-of-hand Obama used in the authoring of those books. Unfortunately, D’Souza’s work here went unfulfilled in 2012.

5. “The Perks of Being a Wallflower”—This will be the movie from 2012 that everyone wonders, “How did I not see that?” Much more than just another coming-of-age teen drama, “Wallflower” is an insightful look at the damage done to innocent children. And yet, it is also filled with hope and love and humor, with brilliant performances by all the leads. Go watch this movie.

4. “End of Watch”—This is the most thrilling, captivating, intense cop movie since “Heat.” The documentary style lends immediacy to the experience, but that would’ve gone nowhere without the charisma between Michael Pena and Jake Gyllenhaal; I’ve never been a big fan of the latter, but he won me over here, and I’ll probably watch everything he does from now on. “End of Watch” is the anti-“Crash,” showing you the best and brightest of what police officers can and should be.

3. “Zero Dark Thirty”—I really wanted to hate this movie. I couldn’t have gone into it with more negative expectations. So it should tell you what an amazing piece of work this is that it beat all those pre-conceived notions and turned into one of the best movies of the year. Tremendous performances, incredible sustained tension, and a climactic action sequence I will never forget. Bigelow did our nation proud with this one.

2. “The Dark Knight Rises”—With the completion of his Batman trilogy, Christopher Nolan has set a new bar for what “superhero movies” can and should be. “Rises” has more layers than can possibly be detailed in this short space—from the redemption of Bruce Wayne to the arc of Selina Kyle’s character (and, wow, Anne Hathaway …), to the evisceration of Occupy Wall Street, to the thrilling action—but what I was struck most by was how effectively Nolan drew the character of Wayne. By the end of “Rises,” you almost forget that he dresses up as a bat; or, more appropriately, when he does don the cape and cowl, you think of him more as Bruce Wayne than as Batman. That is an amazing achievement.

1. “Django Unchained”—I went back and forth between this and “Rises,” trying to figure out which one I truly loved more. I ultimately settled on “Django” because I cannot find a single flaw, or come up with a single thing about it I don’t like. It is perhaps Quentin Tarantino’s perfect movie. The performances he draws out of the actors here you get the feeling only Tarantino could get. He takes the best of the revenge and spaghetti Western genres, mixes in his own flair for both gut-busting humor and gut-twisting sadism, and throws in a romance for good measure. And no one—and I mean no one—knows how to make a “hero shot” like Tarantino; Jamie Foxx just basically has to stand there, or walk through smoke, or reach for his gun, and Tarantino does the rest. Even the soundtrack is awesome (as per usual). “Django Unchained” has it all. 

My Favorite Movies of 2010

In honor of tonight’s Academy Awards, let’s all put 2010 to bed. I’ll do my part here with my favorite films from last year:

9. The Town

Ben Affleck, where you been all my life? This guy is undergoing a career resuscitation the likes of which are rarely seen. First, his sparkling directorial debut “Gone Baby Gone,” and now this, a tense thriller that is worthy of being mentioned in the same sentence as “Heat.” And, man, Jeremy Renner is must-see viewing once again.

7. The Fighter/True Grit

These are listed together because they both left me feeling the same way: They’re both solid genre films with excellent performances, but neither raises to the level of truly “great.” That’s not a knock on them, either. It’s just we’ve seen the boxer/Western before; making a film that doesn’t just parrot the genre is an achievement in itself, and these are both excellent examples of well-worn areas. But neither rose above their respective worlds to set themselves apart.

6. The A-Team

This is where I remind you, this is not a “best of” list, but rather a ranking purely on favortism. “The A-Team” is not a better movie than those listed above it, but it was such a pleasure to watch. This should’ve been a bigger hit than it was. The casting is the key: the four leads—Neeson, especially—take their roles seriously and give the film a gravitas most stupid action movies lack. It helps, of course, they have a great script to work with, packed with one-liners that leave you chuckling long after the credits roll. Pure fun, this one.

5. Inception

I didn’t actually love this movie; the gotcha ending was extraordinarily irritating. But I rank it this high because it was so fascinating. Christopher Nolan has a singular vision, and he’s the only director working in Hollywood today who could’ve pulled this off—the Spielberg of this generation. We always complain about not seeing anything original in the Cineplex … well, you certainly can’t make that claim here. Nolan twisted our minds and our senses into pretzels this summer, and irritating ending or not, it left us all talking afterward. That, alone, is a worthy achievement. Add the stunning visuals and whirlpool storytelling, and “Inception” is one I think we’ll still be talking about a decade from now.

4. Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows—Part 1

Director David Yates pulled off a magic trick of his own with this one, somehow making J.K. Rowling’s complex mythology (confusing even when reading her novel) understandable. And along the way, he made a movie with the heart and soul of an indie wrapped in the budget and trappings of a blockbuster franchise. Not many directors would take the time in a production like this to allow for one of its best scenes: Harry and Hermione’s dance in the darkest of nights. The best installment yet of this series, “Deathly Hallows—Part 1” will go down as “The Empire Strikes Back” of the Potter films.

3. Get Low

The most underappreciated, underrated film of 2010. Robert Duvall, Bill Murray, Sissy Spacek, and Lucas Black (you know, the kid from “Sling Blade”) all give outstanding performances in this story of love, betrayal, guilt, and redemption. It starts out as an offbeat comedy about a man planning his own funeral, and then in Act 3 morphs into a touching tale of a man in search of forgiveness for a sin he’s carried with him for far too long.

2. Toy Story 3

If asked a different day, this may be my favorite film of last year. A true masterpiece, Pixar somehow managed to top itself yet again in its signature franchise. Laugh-out-loud funny, edge-of-your-seat exciting, jaw-droppingly imaginative (toys as mafiosos!), and an ending that can make grown men cry … this is a tremendous film for all ages. Its message of looking to the future and not clinging to the past is one to live by.

1. The Social Network

A portrait of an online artist as a young man, this fascinating and gripping tale of Facebook creator (?) Mark Zuckerberg left me pondering for days what the cost of fame, wealth, and success. Aaron Sorkin (though I loathe him personally) delivers the crowning achievement of his career with a script that deftly weaves what is essentially two legal proceedings into a spellbinding narrative. Add the sure hand of director David Fincher, a career-defining performance from Jesse Eisenberg, and the fact “The Social Network” left me puzzling over its revelations for days, and that all adds up to my favorite film of 2010.

***

A Note About ‘The King’s Speech’

I understand why this film earned so much critical acclaim and so many nominations, but it left me feeling too cold to make this list. Colin Firth, Geoffrey Rush, and Helena Bonham Carter are all outstanding, but Firth’s character is a little hard to root for. I hope it doesn’t win tonight.

CD of the Day: ‘The Three E.P.’s,’ The Beta Band (1998)

Rob Gordon didn’t sell just five copies of this album in “High Fidelity,” he sold at least six because I went out and bought it as soon as I saw that movie. (Yes, that’s three “HF” references of late—I love it.)

As the name clearly states, this disc is a collection of three different EPs that have widely varying levels of accessibility. The first, “Champion Versions,” is the best. It features “Dry the Rain,” the mesmerizing song featured in the movie, and heavy-percussion instrumental “B + A.” There are diminishing returns the rest of the way, however.

The second EP, “The Patty Patty Sound,” is mostly experimental noise with the focal point being 16-minute-long “Monolith.” The third EP, “Los Amigos Del Beta Bandidos,” returns to something resembling actual songs. The highlight here is the minimalist chanting of “Dr. Baker.”

Overall, “The Three E.P.’s”—and probably The Beta Band, in general—isn’t for someone like me, who came to this CD hoping for more from where the spectacular “Dry the Rain” came from. "Champion Versions" gets an A-, but as a whole "The Three E.P.'s" earns a …

Grade: C+

Favorite Track: “Dry the Rain”

Least Favorite Track: “Monolith”

‘Daemon,’ Daniel Suarez

Daniel Suarez’s debut novel, “Daemon,” will mess with your head.

It will forever change the way you look at the world and the computers that run it. It will make you think twice when you log into your bank account online, or swipe your credit card at the grocery store. It will expose you to technology you thought only existed in the far-flung adventures of some Hollywood futurescope, then make you believe you could see these Silicon Valley devilspawns the next time you walk out your front door.

And that, as much as anything, will scare the crap out of you. I pray the world Suarez describes in “Daemon” doesn’t exist—doesn’t have the possibility of ever existing—but I fear all the more it may be right around the corner.

Consider this passage: “The modern world is a highly efficient, precision machine. But that’s its flaw—one wrench in the works and it all grinds to a halt. So what does our generation get? A culture of lies to hide weakness. Decreasing freedom. All to conceal one simple fact: the assumptions upon which our civilization is based are no longer valid.”

Or this: “They built a twenty-trillion-dollar house of cards. Then they told you to guard it. And they call me insane.”

Or, finally, this: “The Great Diffusion has begun—an era when the nation state dissolves. Technology will cause this. As countries compete for markets in the global economy, diffusion of high technology will accelerate. It will result in a diffusion of power and diffusion of power will make countries an ineffective organizing principle. At first, marginal governments will fail. Larger states will not be equipped to intercede effectively. These lawless regions will become breeding grounds for international crime and terrorism. Threats to cientralized authority will multiply. Centralized power will be defenseless against these distributed threats. You have already experienced the leading edge of this wave.”

Though “Daemon” was only widely published in January, these words were written more than four years ago, long before the subprime crash and the ensuing global economic tailspin we’re facing today. Like I said, scary stuff. Suarez, now in his mid-40s, is a tech industry consultant from California who originally self-published his debut back in 2006. It garnered serious tech-geek cred for its accurate portrayals of various online cultures, including massive multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPG), such as “World of Warcraft,” which led to its pickup by a major publishing house last year.

Suarez defines a “daemon” as “a computer program that runs continuously in the background and performs specified operations at predetermined times or in response to certain events.” Odds are, as you’re reading this, there are daemons chugging away on your system right now (did you receive a security update this morning?). In the eponymous novel, a brilliant designer uses the principles he developed for his phenomenally successful gaming company to unleash daemons throughout the Internet—after his death. These programs, written ahead of time with mind-boggling precision, begin to trigger some astounding events—events that cost real human beings their real lives. No resets here. It’s like an updated and more frightening version of 1983’s “WarGames” (there’s even a reference to thermonuclear war in the book!).

What follows is a sprawling epic of a techno-thriller; the Daemon is the true main character, while various humans wander in and out of the story to interact with it. Suarez introduces a huge number of characters for a typical novel, and he seems unattached to any of them, for they all merely serve at the pleasure of the Daemon—whether they want to or not. And, wow, can that sucker do some amazing things. I won’t spoil any of the thrills and chills here but, trust me, you will be amazed.

There are times when Suarez overreaches, however. While most of “Daemon” exists in an all-too-plausible world, like any Hollywood blockbuster certain action sequences toward the book’s end simply stretch too far (it sorta reminded me of Christopher Nolan’s blow-up-Gotham ending to “Batman Begins”). But I chalk that up to the travails of being a first-time author.

Overall, “Daemon” is one of those game-changing pop culture events on the line of recent benchmarks like “The Matrix” or “300.” Flawed? Sure. But, like those two recent films, its singular vision overwhelms any minor problems. Suarez’s straightforward, no-nonsense writing style isn’t going to win any fancy literary awards, but “Daemon” is the science-fiction-of-the-now William Gibson has been trying to write about for a decade and, thus far, has failed to capture.

It is now the techno novel by which all future techno novels will be judged.


***One final note: It’s not lost on me most of the comparison I make in this review are films. Suarez is so brilliant at depicting action sequences, even I could adapt this book to a screenplay in no time—you can visualize the scenes in pristine quality as you read. I will be shocked if “Daemon” is not made into a movie in the near future.***

The Best Conservative Movies of the Past 25 Years

As collected by National Review Online, via Big Hollywood.

I've seen 15 of them, and wouldn't argue with any of those. Some of these, not surprisingly, would be on my all-time favorite list (Nos. 2, 5, 11, 12, 13, and 23).

My 11 Most Memorable Films of 2007

So the Academy Award nominations are out and … oh, sorry, must have nodded off there for a second. It’s the same story Oscar’s been telling us for the past several years: Four movies of dark, depressing material with one light-hearted affair thrown in for color. I find it all very boring, and have for quite some time. It wasn’t always like this, so I’m working on a theory that the past few years are a reaction to “Return of the King” winning it all in 2004, or somehow this is about the Bush administration, as most everything else in Hollywood seems to be.

Either way, I won’t be watching the show next month (in whatever form it takes), even though I do actually have a horse in this race for a change. But more on that film in a moment. Here are, in order, the 11 films that made the biggest impact on me in 2007:



1. 300
This was without a doubt the most surprising and memorable movie experience of the year for me. I wasn’t expecting much when I sat down in the theater—I thought the trailers looked kinda dumb—but I walked out two hours later with a feeling I hadn’t had since “The Matrix” back in 1999: Like I had just watched something truly original, something destined to change the face of filmmaking for years to come (for better or worse).

With “300,” director Zack Snyder finally achieved what so many before have tried but couldn’t get quite right: Translating a graphic novel into a film in as literal a way as possible (no, I wasn’t a huge fan of “Sin City”). Of course, it helps that Gerard Butler anchored the whole thing with his star-is-born turn as Spartan King Leonidas; Butler (and the rest of the cast, for that matter) took the material so seriously and treated it with such respect, it turned what could have been simply ridiculous amounts of blood and bravado into a work of art. Snyder, Butler & Co. gave “300” the heart and soul it needed to become more than just a flick for teenage boys, with its themes of love, honor, loyalty, bravery, conviction, betrayal, and corruption.

Like “The Matrix,” “300” is a watershed film that will be remembered, celebrated, maligned, and, unfortunately, imitated for years to come. Truly remarkable stuff.



2. Juno
What a joyous movie. I love it so much, I feel like I should just make a list of my top 25 favorite things about it—but that would get tedious, so I’ll settle for just a few. I loved how we get to know every character just like if we’d met them in real life: We’re presented with a superficial first impression, then discover the real person behind that façade as time goes on. I loved how a baby’s life was treasured in this film, not glossed over, dismissed, or discarded. And I absolutely adored Jennifer Garner’s performance as a mother-in-waiting; it would have been so easy for her to slip into cheesiness, but instead she embodied heartfelt sincerity, reminding me of why so many of us fell in love with her way back at the beginning of “Alias.”

“Juno” will make you laugh and make you cry. It will destroy your faith in humanity, then redeem it. It is the movie you love all the more every time you reflect on it. It is the best movie of 2007.



3. Immagine in Cornice
Pearl Jam’s latest video release offers an all-access vantage point never before seen in the group’s previous live DVDs. As someone who has obsessively followed the band’s setlists for a decade, the glimpses of Eddie Vedder & Co. crafting each night’s show as they toured Italy gave me goosebumps (as did many, many other moments). “Immagine” is certainly the best looking of PJ’s five video documents, and it does a perfect job of demonstrating the commitment to each and every concert that makes Pearl Jam the standard-bearers for live rock and roll, even after 15 years together. If anyone were to ask me why I continue to love this band, I give you “Immagine in Cornice” as an answer.



4. The Bourne Ultimatum
If ever an action film and its star should have been nominated for an Academy Award, this is the, er, ultimate example. Matt Damon has redefined the genre with his down-to-earth portrayal of Jason Bourne, leaving 007 to follow meekly in his wake.



5. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Potter films tend to get short shrift because a) the books are so good, and b) critics frown on franchises in general. But the past three entries in this film franchise have been downright excellent, with “Phoenix” the best of the bunch. This movie is veritably overflowing with wonderful performances from the likes of Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Maggie Smith, and a should-have-been-Oscar-worthy tour de force by Imelda Staunton. And let’s not forget Daniel Radcliffe, who really came into his own this time around as The Boy Who Lived is growing up into a man. With millions upon millions of fans literally critiquing his every move, he holds his own remarkably well, as does this fifth installment in the series.



6. Rescue Dawn
Christian Bale takes method acting to the brink in this gripping and, ultimately, uplifting tale of a Vietnam-era P.O.W. Providing two of the most intense hours I spent all year, Bale disappears into his role in a way few Hollywood actors can; his performance is so genuine and outstanding, and yet not showy in a way that would have overwhelmed the film. Writer/director Werner Herzog delivers a throwback gem that has the guts to celebrate the true spirit of America and its military with a deft hand that avoids any fake patriotic jingoism.



7. Ratatouille
Brad Bird delivered another winner with this delicious film for adults packaged as a kids’ movie. Pixar continues to astound.



8. American Gangster
Call it “Departed” fatigue. That’s my theory on why this spectacular—and superior—mob flick didn’t get more critical praise this fall (same phenomenon happened with “Ray” and “Walk the Line,” if you recall). A cross between “Heat” and “Scarface,” Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe both deliver Oscar-worthy performances as director Ridley Scott gives them room to breathe deeply and fully explore their characters.



9. 3:10 to Yuma
Christian Bale and Russell Crowe light up the screen with both their guns and their grit in this excellent Western remake.



10. Once
For lovers of music and star-crossed romances alike, “Once” was also painfully overlooked by the Academy. It’s not on an “Almost Famous” level, but it’s not trying to be, either. I didn’t hear much about it when it was released among the summer blockbuster titans, but it’s an absolute gem that provides a beautiful demonstration of the power of music to help people connect.



11. Zodiac
A poorly marketed crime drama that proves director David Fincher hasn’t lost a step, despite an unusual five-year span between films. Even at over 2.5 hours, time seems to fly as we follow the trail of the Zodiac killer along with a gaggle of investigators led by a brilliantly dour Mark Ruffalo. Though it doesn’t come to a resolution, Fincher and screenwriter James Vanderbilt nevertheless draw the film to a satisfying close—too bad the Coens didn’t follow suit.


One Final Note …
I just thought I’d mention how great 2007 was for movies. In the past few years I’ve had trouble coming up with even 10 films to list as “best” or “favorites,” and this year I included 11 and could have picked a couple more (“The Simpsons Movie” was excellent, and certainly one of the biggest Oscar snubs of recent memory for its lack of a nod in the animation category). I had an especially enjoyable summer at the movies, which hadn’t occurred in a while, either. Here’s hoping 2008 brings more of the same.

Deciphering 'The Golden Compass'

By this point you've probably heard something about "The Golden Compass," a new fantasy movie opening this Friday with an all-star cast headlined by Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig. The film is based on a novel of the same name by author Philip Pullman, and its generating a bit of controversy since Pullman, a self-proclaimed atheist, didn't even try to hide his attempt at discrediting and, if he's lucky, destroying Christianity.

Attacking Christ and those who believe in Him is nothing new, of course, especially in Hollywood. So that's why I was so glad to read Jeffrey Overstreet's piece on "Compass" over at ChristianityToday.com. It's one of the most intelligent, rational, sensible, and humble responses to such an issue I've ever read; it manages to slice Pullman's work to ribbons while giving the author his due respect and not resorting to rhetoric or histrionics. And while this article is focused on "Compass," Overstreet touches on other topics, too, most notably the nonsense responses of some to the Harry Potter franchise.

Overstreet's dissection is so good, in fact, it really could be about any piece of pop culture teeing up Christianity, because it speaks to both sides of a perpetually heated environment of strife.

I cannot recommend this story highly enough. It provides practical direction for Christians to follow in what can often feel like a world ablaze with hate.

Armchair Box Office Quarterbacking Isn’t for Everyone

Including me. Back in January I took a stab at predicting this summer’s box office totals and came up almost completely wrong through and through. In review, here are a few things I learned:

1. “Spider-Man 3” benefited more than I expected from being first out of the gate.
2. It seems ridiculous that $300 million-plus is somewhat disappointing for “Pirates 3,” but Disney might have been better served leaving the final (?) installment on the shelf for another year to let demand build a bit.
3. Michael Bay is the luckiest director in Hollywood. I gave “Transformers” a B- right after I saw it, but upon further reflection that was probably too high. Bay really trashed those characters and the movie was a C+ at best (yes, in my mind there’s a big difference between those two grades). He did, however, manage to ride Gen-X nostalgia, good trailers, a midweek Fourth of July holiday (which basically meant a full week that acted like a weekend), and generally positive we’re-just-glad-it’s-not-a-sequel reviews like mine to a monster payday. No one—and I mean NO ONE—thought just four months ago that this movie would best “At World’s End” by summer’s end. It’s still a mystery to me.
4. Even Pixar can’t make rats that cute. I’m still a bit stunned, though, that “Ratatouille” is having to scratch and claw its way to $200 million—the studio's lowest domestic gross in nearly a decade (1998's "A Bug's Life" made $162 million). It will be interesting to see if Pixar changes course at all in the future because of this.
5. People will come. Sequel fatigue and a crowded schedule may have hampered the end runs of several movies, but the opening weekends were still gigantic right through to the end. The fact that “Simpsons” and “Bourne” both raked in $70 million to open was surprising; I thought the moviegoing public might be worn out by then, but the films were good and people love the respective characters.

All in all, summer 2007 was excellent as summers go. I went to the theater more in the past four months than I probably had in the previous year and a half—and not out of some sort of pop-cultural obligation, but because I actually—shockingly—wanted to see these flicks (well, except for “Fantastic Four,” but even that was still a fun 90 minutes). And I didn’t even get to “Die Hard” or “Rescue Dawn”!

So here’s how my summer shook out, in order of preference (click on the titles to read my reviews):

1. “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”—This movie had it all.
2. “The Bourne Ultimatum”—James Bond may be reinventing himself, but he can’t hold a candle to Jason Bourne. Paul Greengrass delivered yet another excellent film that cements the Bourne trilogy as one of the best in movie history—forget limiting it to just the spy genre. The car chases got all the hype, but my favorite scene was the close-quarters fight in the Tangiers hotel; it’s arguably the best combat sequence I’ve ever seen. Damon was once again perfect (and Oscar-worthy, even though that will never happen) and the script kept me leaned forward and engaged all the way through as it seamlessly weaved the conclusion in and around the first two movies (impressive considering it was composed almost on the fly). I had two complaints: David Strathaim’s CIA administrator was too much of a cliché (with some painful lines of dialogue, to boot), and the conclusion was a tad underwhelming and politically jingoistic after three movies’ worth of buildup. It’s not that I didn’t like the final reveal (even if it does make America look like the bad guy—what else is new?), but it wasn’t handled with the same deft dexterity as the rest of the film. What a shock: A message overwhelming the craft. Still, “Ultimatum” is the epitome of what an action thriller can and should be. Grade: A-
3. “Ratatouille”—Brad Bird rules. Much funnier and eye-popping than even I expected.
4. “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End”—Screw the whiny critics who couldn’t follow along. This movie was gutsy and glam all at the same time.
5. “Spider-Man 3”—The rare occasion where superb action sequences make up for a wordy script.
6. “The Simpsons Movie”—The fact that this movie even made it to the big screen amidst the enormous pressure put on the writers is an achievement in and of itself. The fact that it’s flat-out hysterical is truly something. I guess those who haven’t seen it by now aren’t likely to anytime soon, but I still don’t want to give anything away—there’s even a laugh-out-loud joke before the movie even begins. The movie’s sizeable central flaw was the lack of screen time for key supporting characters. I realize Springfield is populated with literally dozens of fan-favorites, but you have to figure out a way to get Mr. Burns and Ralph Wiggum more than one or two lines apiece. You just have to. Still, there are so many jokes packed into this film’s 90 minutes I’ll probably have to watch it two or three more times to catch even most of them. Grade: B+
7. “Ocean’s Thirteen”—Matt Damon had a great summer. Thankfully he and his boys seemed to do more actual work this time around than partying.
8. “Transformers”—See above. Please let someone else direct the sequel. Michael Bay doesn’t even like these characters.
9. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”—Better and funnier than I expected.

It’s sure going to be hard for Hollywood to top itself next summer, but hopefully the studios will space tent poles out a little more to give us all a little breathing room. Then again, this summer is probably going to be the most lucrative on record and next year we’re due for the return of Indy, Batman, and the kids from Narnia, so you can always count on Hollywood to run something into the ground—this time it may be the ticket-buying public.

The Billion-Dollar Dozen: Summer 2007

Geesh. I knew I had forgotten a few would-be blockbusters for summer 2007, but how did I miss the next “Ocean’s” and Pixar movies, not to mention Bruce Willis’ “Die Hard” reprise and the surefire abomination that will be “Rush Hour 3”? Just proves my point, though: This year may be the worst of all time for pre-release hype. It’s going to be unbearable.
So, since it almost feels like summer outside anyway, might as well predict how the blockbuster season will go down now:

$350 million-plus
1. “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” (May 25)
2. “Shrek the Third” (May 18)
3. “Spider-Man 3” (May 4)
Even though the second installments of both the “Pirates” and “Shrek” franchises topped $400 million domestically, these three films might cannibalize each other this May—a trend I see coming for the entire summer, actually. The biggest question of the year will be answered quickly with these monsters: Will all of America really go to the movies en masse three times in one month?

$250-$300 million
4. “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” (July 13)
5. “Ratatouille” (June 29)
What is that funny-looking name on the last line, you ask? It’s the cumbersome title for the next Disney/Pixar effort, helmed by Brad Bird (the genius behind my fave of the Pixar stable, “The Incredibles”). Harry is a guaranteed hit, and Pixar hasn’t missed yet.

$150-$200 million
6. “The Bourne Ultimatum” (Aug. 3)
7. “Live Free or Die Hard” (July 4)
8. “Rush Hour 3” (Aug. 10)
Paul Greengrass returns for his second straight Bourne flick, which is awesome news, and the trailer for “Die Hard 4,” a film that seemed ridiculous when I first heard about it, looks decent. As for “Rush Hour,” the last installment made an obscene $226 million, but I’m factoring in blockbuster fatigue.

$100-$150 million
9. “Ocean’s 13” (June 8)
10. “The Simpsons Movie” (July 27)
11. “Transformers” (July 4)
12. “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” (June 15)
This final group should all open huge but will probably flame out quickly. Those opening-weekend hauls should be enough to hit triple digits by the time all is said and done, although it wouldn’t surprise me if “Oceans” is the only one to actually cross that plateau.

Other movies to keep an eye on that I have absolutely no idea how they’ll place (also, keep in mind there isn’t a romantic comedy on this entire entry—one is bound to pop up and make some decent money):
• “Bratz” (Aug. 17)
• “Delta Farce” (May 11)
• “Evan Almighty” (June 22)
• “The Invasion” (Aug. 17)
• “Hostel: Part II” (June 8)
• “Nancy Drew” (June 15)

Best of 2006—Blurred Edition

For the second year in a row, I can’t come up with 10 movies that would require compiling a “Best of” year-end list. In fact, I don’t think I even saw 10 movies in the theater this year. And glancing at the bevy of top-movie lists this past month, seems I didn’t miss much. “The Queen”? “Flags of Our Fathers”/”Letters from Iwo Jima”? “Little Miss Sunshine”? No thanks. The only consistently high-rated films I wanted to see but missed were “Borat” and “Dreamgirls.”
The simple fact is, there really are more reasons to stay in than ever. Television in 2006 didn’t just catch up to the film industry, the “boob tube” surpassed traditional Hollywood moviemaking. Sure there’s more reality schlock than ever, but TV is also taking more risks and greenlighting more ambitious projects than ever before, too—in my lifetime, anyway.
Taking a cue from HBO, the network that started this resurgence nearly a decade ago with “The Sopranos,” broadcast execs finally got wise and divided serialized shows (my flavor of choice) into mini-seasons, so viewers get major story arcs in big chunks, rather than having to sift through weeks of reruns for one new morsel. Thus shows like “Heroes” and “Lost” become more satisfying because their deep stories are played out in power-packed intervals.
Of course, all that said and still the most significant and powerful piece of filmmaking I saw in 2006 was, in fact, a movie. Since the lines between traditional cinema and traditional television continue to blur, I’ve blended my “Best of 2006” into one master list. Here goes …

1. “United 93”—This was quite simply one of the best movies I’ve ever seen. Screw Scorsese, writer/director Paul Greengrass deserves every award-season accolade for actually completing a seemingly impossible mission of translating the still-open wound of Sept. 11 into a piece of work that not only keeps you pinned back in your seat, but honors those brave passengers at the same time. I don’t know that I’ll ever watch this movie again, but it’s burned into my memory. For more viewing, I highly recommend Greengrass’ “Bloody Sunday,” which is similar in its documentary-style production. You can also check out my review from April here.
2. “Deadwood”—In any other year—meaning one that didn’t offer “United 93”—this superb Western would have topped the list. “Deadwood” is, yes, my favorite television show of all time—although simply labeling it a “television show” doesn’t seem to quite encapsulate all it has to offer, and at the same time reinforces my thesis about quality TV in general. A terrific cast, impeccable acting, true Shakespearean writing, classic Western themes, shocking violence that nevertheless didn’t feel excessive, and, unlike “The Sopranos,” characters you can actually love and root for. I’ve never seen its equal and can’t imagine I will ever again. You can read my June preview/review here.
3. “24”—The best adrenaline rush on screen—big or small—this year. I caught up with the herd in 2006, watching seasons 2-5 on DVD, and am definitely now a Jack Bauer devotee. Season 5 is my favorite of the bunch; I rank the others this way (best to least best): 4, 2, 1, 3. More on this topic soon (I hope, if I have the time/energy) as Season 6 blasts into existence in less than two weeks.
4. “Superman Returns”—I know most critics either panned or were generally indifferent to Bryan Singer’s take on the Man of Steel, but I absolutely loved it. Maybe it just caught me at a particularly good time, but this film gave me chills throughout, and I can’t wait for the next one. For more, check out my review from July here.
5. “PTI”—The little show I like to call “Pardon the Interruption” may only draw a few hundred thousand viewers a day, but it’s consistently the funniest half-hour on TV. Even with co-host Michael Wilbon morphing into an utter talking head and fellow host Tony Kornheiser spending most of the fall on split-screen for “Monday Night Football,” these two knuckleheads are the two most influential sports commentators in the business. And they make me laugh every single day.
6. “Entourage”—Season 3 may have had some rough spots (oh, that horrible two-episode “Dom” arc), but the first two eps of the year were two of the funniest pieces of television work I’ve ever seen. In fact, Jeremy Piven’s Ari Gold smashing his assistant’s little “power figure” statue may be my favorite comedic scene of all time.
7. “The Nine”—Wow, forget what I said about those TV execs, because there’s no way this show should have been pulled from the schedule already. I hope they do at least let this season run its course, because this show started hot and never cooled. John Billingsley’s kooky suicidal-turned-optimistic Egan Foote received well-deserved acclaim, but Tim Daly (remember the straight-laced pilot from “Wings”?) was just as good as a gambling-addicted cop, maybe even better.
8. “Lost”—I basically gave up on this show (more on that in a minute) but came back for the Season 3 premiere and got hooked all over again. By focusing on the power trio of Jack, Kate, and Sawyer, “Lost” returned to its strengths this fall and turned in a couple of its best installments. And let’s not forget a fabulous turn by he-with-the-wicked-eyes Michael Emerson as super-baddie (or is he?) Ben/Henry, plus sterling newcomer Elizabeth Mitchell as Jack’s captor/love interest, Juliet. Here’s hoping for more of the same when the show begins its 16-episode spring season in February.
9. “Heroes”—Although a little too self-aware at times of its “mythology,” credit NBC for taking a risk on this stellar action/drama. Like “24,” superb acting from multiple cast members helps ground a hyper-real show in a sense of human reality. There wasn’t quite enough payoff for that so-cool “Save the Cheerleader. Save the World” promo, so I’m a little reticent about the new “list” thing—again, a little too self-aware. But I’m definitely a fan.
10. “Whiskey on a Sunday”—This flawless rock doc told me everything I’d ever want to know about Flogging Molly, one of my favorite bands. It not only gives a great oral history of the group, but provides deep insights into several songs—most notably the heart-wrenching story of frontman Dave King playing an homage to his father, “The Likes of You Again,” for his mother for the first time. And the bonus CD was awesome, too.

Honorable Mentions
• “Cars”—The latest Pixar effort probably belongs on the above list, but it was just missing that intangible little extra something found in classics like “The Incredibles” and “Toy Story.” Solid, to be sure, but the first half-hour or so kinda dragged. Still, there were some absolutely glorious images and laugh-out-loud moments.
• “The Departed”—I really, really, really liked this movie—right up until the last five minutes. That ending left a bad taste in my mouth. Until then, though, it was certainly one of the best gangster movies I’ve seen in a while. Kudos to Leo and Marky Mark—two actors I typically avoid—for spectacular performances. And as a Matt Damon fan, he didn’t disappoint, either.
• “The Prestige”—If I had made a top 10 list of just movies, this would have been on it somewhere.
• “Smallville”—The 100th episode was amazing, but Season 6 has drifted a bit. Nice touch in the last ep, though, using AFI’s “Prelude 12/21” as the outro music.
• “V for Vendetta”—Another movie that had a lot going for it until the bitter end. I just can’t get too excited about a film that’s going to preach at me about how I need to “understand” Islamic terrorists. Still, great performances by Hugo Weaving and Natalie Portman.

Biggest Disappointments
1. “The Sopranos”—I ranted back in May about the exaggerated Vito story arc, so I won’t rehash here. But it says something that I, a devoted “Sopranos” fan, can’t remember a single thing about the Season 6 finale.
2. “X-Men: The Last Stand”—I knew going in that Brett Ratner was no Bryan Singer, but there’s no way I could have predicted in my worst nightmares the abomination that is this movie. You can read my review here.
3. “Alias”—The series finale was actually pretty good, but just about everything else about Season 5 was mediocre at best. It didn’t help Jen had to go get knocked up by Affleck, but they should have just ended with the excellent Season 4 finale. How great would it have been if Syd had just looked at Vaughn in the car and said, “I’m pregnant”—and there’s your series! The writers did the best they could, I guess, with little input from J.J. Abrams and a midseason hiatus, but this was a far cry from the series’ Season 2 peak.
4. “Lost”—As I mentioned earlier, Season 2 was a major drop in quality from the first go-round. Primary characters such as Jack, Locke, and Sawyer all went in petty, alpha male, king-of-the-mountain directions that made me dislike them, which is a bad, bad thing. Once again, J.J. Abrams leaves a project and it goes to crap. Can we clone him or something?
5. “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest”—On first blush, I may have overrated this movie. I watched it on DVD over the holidays and it didn’t hold up very well—too dark, not enough genuine yuks. Of course, it may shift again depending on how well it ultimately sets up the third installment. And speaking of …

Bring Me That Horizon
It doesn’t take a genius to figure this out, but I’ll go on record now that this year may break ever box office record in the books based on summer alone. The month of May brings “Spider-Man 3,” “Shrek 3,” and “Pirates 3”; other surefire blockbusters include “Harry Potter 5,” “Bourne 3,” plus the long-awaited “Simpsons” and “Transformers” movies (the former looks hilarious, the latter looks, well, meh). And let’s not forget a revitalized “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” film in March!
Those are just the titles I can remember off the top of my head—I’m sure there are a few more pending “blockbusters” waiting in the wings. The scary thing is, I’ll probably see most, if not all, of the aforementioned installments; I just wonder if all these “must-see” movies will end up cannibalizing one another.
Hopefully they’ll be good enough to at least give me a reason to sit in a movie theater again.

'Lebowski' Mash-ups

Cut and paste these links to see how a few devious (yet genius) minds put classic dialogue from "The Big Lebowski" to good use:

"He-Lebowski"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=BHfDtXh-wLQ&search=lebowski

"Teenage Mutant Ninja Lebowskis"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=nfclvdY7E7Y&search=lebowski
http://youtube.com/watch?v=eL9t3C-DIDI&search=lebowski
http://youtube.com/watch?v=liP27klElLo&search=lebowski

"My Little Lebowski"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=E39u7w3lYsA&search=lebowski

"The Big Wazowski"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=382X0Wbo3Ko&search=lebowski

Pearl Jam, "Lebowski"
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5l88XIc_IR0&search=lebowski

And here's an abridged version of the movie
http://youtube.com/watch?v=RqtgfjkB6Pg&search=lebowski


Just remember: This is "The Big Lebowski" we're talking about, so under 17 not admitted without parent or guardian. You have been warned.

11 Movies That Hopefully Won’t Suck (And One That Surely Will): A 2006 Summer Movie Preview

With insane prices for both tickets and gas, it now costs my wife and me more than 20 bucks to go see a movie. Sure, that doesn’t sound too bad for one Friday night’s entertainment, but in our heyday, we’d see a movie almost every weekend, even if a new flick didn’t exactly fit our particular interests.
That time is long gone. Unless the movie looks to be something really special, I’d just as soon sit at home in my Man Chair with a “24” DVD—that’s certainly more entertaining than most of the crap coming out of the movie studios the past year (don’t get me started on how fantastic Season Two was).
All that said, this summer actually looks better than usual, especially compared to the pathetic batch that was 2005. Here’s my list of potentials, in order of release:

• “United 93” (Friday)—I haven’t even seen a trailer for this film and I still get goosebumps just thinking about one phrase—“Let’s roll”—and all those simple words imply. Here’s a story of true heroism, a justified celebration of bravery in the face of inconceivable circumstances. Director Paul Greengrass (“The Bourne Supremacy”) went to great lengths not only to reconstruct the details of the lone thwarted 9/11 flight, but also earn the blessing of the families who lost loved ones to terrorism. Some people say it’s too soon for a movie like this, but not for me. We need as many reminders of that horror as we can get.

• “Mission: Impossible III” (May 5)—Under any other circumstances, this engorged summer “blockbuster” would be lucky to make my to-rent list. But with J.J. Abrams, creator of “Alias,” at the helm, I’m there. I’ll suffer through the insufferable Tom Cruise to see what this visionary director does with a big-time budget at his disposal. Throw in Ving Rhames, Laurence Fishburne, Billy Crudup, and, hello, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and we may just have a winner.

• “The Da Vinci Code” (May 19)—Am I the last person in America who hasn’t read this book? I was just holding out for the movie! Actually, I never had any real desire to read Dan Brown’s novel outside of a pop culture consumption standpoint, and that’s primarily why I’ll see the film. I know Brown’s “Code” challenges my personal beliefs, but that’s not a bad thing. Plus, I can always count on Ron Howard and Tom Hanks to deliver (not to mention a stellar supporting cast including three personal faves: Ian McKellen, Alfred Molina, and Paul Bettany). And maybe my lack of plot details will help me review the movie more objectively.

• “X-Men: The Last Stand” (May 26)—New director Brett Ratner (“Rush Hour”) scares me a little, but at this point these movies direct themselves, right? The characters are all so cool and played so well (Hugh Jackman as Wolverine, Patrick Stewart as Professor Xavier, Ian McKellen as Magneto, Famke Janssen as Jean Grey, Anna Paquin as Rogue, I could go on …), everything should still be all right for what is considered to be the last in this successful series. I’m looking forward to Kelsey Grammer as Beast and more screen time for Colossus. Hopefully Ratner screw it up.

• “Cars” (June 9)—New. Pixar. Movie.

• “Nacho Libre” (June 16)—Okay, so this one will probably be a rental. But I had to include a movie about Mexican pro wrestling simply for the hilarious press photo of star Jack Black (complete with an Eddie Guerrero-esque mullet/mustache combo) leaping bare-chested from the top rope. Go find this image. You’ll fall off your chair.

• “Superman Returns” (June 30)—Bryan Singer (“X-Men I & II”) as director: Definite plus. Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor: Tremendous positive. Picking up where “Superman II” left off: Good choice. Special effects: Sure to be stellar. Lois Lane as a divorced single mother? Huh? Big negative. Newcomer Brandon Routh as Supes: Who knows?
Yeah, this one’s a toss up.

• “Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest” (July 7)—Three summers ago, I went to see the original “Pirates” thinking there was no way it could live up to the hype. On the contrary, Johnny Depp & Co. EXCEEDED the hype, with the former’s rickety Capt. Jack Sparrow becoming an instant Hollywood icon on his way to creating one of my favorite popcorn flicks of all time. The big question is, of course: Can he do it again? Plenty of people will spend plenty of money to find out (including me).

• “Lady in the Water” (July 21)—I was also apparently one of the few people in America who actually liked “The Village,” M. Night Shyamalan’s 2004 flop. Although Bryce Dallas Howard also stars in the follow-up, Shyamalan says “Lady” isn’t like any of his other movies. Of course, this from the man who takes pride in twisting his audience’s minds into pretzels. I give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, Paul Giamatti’s on board, so I’ll go see it regardless.

• “Snakes on a Plane” (Aug. 18)—If you haven’t heard about this movie yet, you must be under a rock with the 400 snakes that take center stage in this B-movie horror/thriller. Ordinarily I’d never see a movie like this. But I’ll make an exception for one thing: Samuel L. $%&@*$ Jackson! Already an Internet tour de force (check out SnakesonaBlog.com), “SoaP” has hit written all over it. The only thing that might hurt it is so much hype so early. This thing is all over the place, and it doesn’t come out for four more months—by that point, we might all hate snakes, Chuck.

• “Clerks II” (Aug. 18)—Or, “Kevin Smith Shamelessly Returns to Previous Success in Hopes of Reviving Flagging Career and Regaining Indie Cred.” Is there any way this turns out well? I’ll definitely wait to hear critics’ reaction before plunking down my 10 bucks for this retread.

And, last but not least, we should torture captured al-Qaida terrorists at Guantanamo Bay with … “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift” (June 16). We’d have Osama in 5 minutes or less.

Oscars 2006: Get Your Swag Out of My Face!

In the weeks since the Academy Award nominations were announced, I've been trying to gather the gumption to write my annual preview piece.
Forget it.
This crop of crap is so bad, It doesn't even engender in me enough passion to rant on and on about how out of touch Hollywood elites are with the mainstream audience (nobody's seen these movies!), or how I can't remember a bigger celebration of political propaganda in the history of this already over-hyped event, or how "Walk the Line" and "King Kong" got screwed.
I say this every year, but this time I mean it: There's no way I'm watching this pretentious, masturbatory exercise. I hope Joaquin and Reese win, but other than that, who cares? I'm certainly not "rooting" for any of the Best Picture noms. I've only seen one, and that's only 'cause I thought I ought to. And it wasn't even that great.
So instead of analyzing these insipid awards, I'm going to watch my brother play basketball, check out the new Dave Chappelle movie, read a book, watch more basketball, go to church, and spend time with my wife.
I suggest you do some of the same. Hopefully if we all ignore the Oscars at the same time, someone out there in LALA Land will get the message.
Oh, wait, I forgot. This is Hollywood, where bad dreams live on—in remakes, sequels, and George Clooney movies.
Good night, and good luck.

My Favorite Movies of 2005

As they compile their best-of lists for 2005, it’s like critics are trying to keep themselves employed by convincing everyone we really should have gone to the movies more often this year. So many top 10 lists I read this month included a variation on “this year was much better than everyone thinks.”
Nah, it really wasn’t.
For the majority of 2005, there was absolutely nothing worth leaving the house for, especially with ticket prices going through the roof (nearly $10 apiece here in the D.C. suburbs). I just can’t afford to spend every weekend at the movies, so when I go, it better be worth it.
Thus, for the majority of this year, I just stayed home. The spring and summer were filled with total crap; by comparison the end-of-the-year Oscar push proved worthwhile, but now there are so many movies out at the same time, I can’t afford to go to all those, either (when will the studios learn?).
So, here’s to making the best of a bad situation. There were a few gems this year, but all in all, this list pales in comparison to 2004 (for reference, click on the February 2005 link on the right side of this page). And this is by no means an objective list; these are simply the movies that made me glad to be in a theater in 2005. It’s sad I couldn’t even come up with 10.

1. “Walk the Line”—It’s not overstating things to say this film changed my life by turning a mild interest in Johnny Cash into a full-blown obsession (in the good sense of the word). Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are absolutely stunning as the Man in Black and the love of his life, June Carter. By putting Cash’s classic material up on the big screen and blasting it in surround sound, his brilliance was finally brought home to me and my eyes were finally opened to an artist I’d been missing all these years. What more can you ask for from a movie?
2. “Serenity”—I can’t remember when a creator was better to his fanbase than Joss Whedon and his “Firefly” devotees. This is a farewell kiss to the faithful, and it’s a joy from start to finish. Taken in context with the TV series, this is one of the best space action epics of all time, and certainly the best of 2005 (sorry, George, you suck now). Nevertheless, “Serenity” was a box-office bomb and thus sealed the fate of Captain Reynolds, River, and the rest. But they’ll never be forgotten.
3. “Cinderella Man”—I really don’t understand why this fantastic biopic of Depression-era hero James Braddock wasn’t better received. It can’t all be because Russell Crowe threw a phone at somebody, can it? Come on, people! Combining the best elements of “Million Dollar Baby” and “Seabiscuit,” this is one of the greatest boxing movies of all time. Love him or hate him (most hate, I know, but I don’t), Crowe is the best big-ticket actor in the business, and ditto for Renee Zellweger. Meanwhile, Paul Giamatti, playing Braddock’s manager/trainer, gives his third straight Oscar-worthy performance (that probably will go unrecognized by the Academy for the third straight year).
4. “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe”/”King Kong”—I liked the latter much more than I expected and the former wasn’t quite what I was hoping for, thus these two fantasy epics met in the middle ground. Director Andrew Adamson (“Shrek”) got just about everything right in “Narnia” (how special is Georgie Henley as Lucy—what a find). But he got Aslan very, very wrong, and that’s a big, big problem. Peter Jackson, on the other hand, made no missteps with his own CG beast, and the magnificently realized ape shows this filmmaker is now officially the best in the business. I didn’t write full reviews for either of these films, but I gave “Narnia” an A-, “Kong” an A.
6. “Mr. & Mrs. Smith”—Yeah, I can’t believe it’s even on the list, much less this high. But this has got to be one of my most pleasant surprises of all time. Despite all the Brangelina hype, the two megastars are spectacular in this near-perfect popcorn flick. Laugh-out-loud funny, clever, and full of eye-popping action, the only thing that tarnishes this excellent summer blockbuster is its ridiculously over-the-top finale. I’ve even watched it again at home, and this violently dysfunctional couple was just as fun the second time around.
7. “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire”—The best of the four movies so far in this billion-dollar franchise was so good, it finally made me want to read the books for myself. Thrilling, funny, touching and epic in scope, director Mike Newell came through big-time.
8. “Batman Begins”—Also the best installment of its respective franchise, “Begins” is great for the first two acts and unravels in the third. As Bruce Wayne, Christian Bale leads the strongest cast of the five Caped Crusader flicks, and indie legend Christopher Nolan effectively brought the series back from the dead. And then he lost his head with that ridiculous terrorism subplot and an outlandish conclusion. Ah well, at least there’s promise for a sequel.
9. “Elizabethtown”—I don’t know how or why Cameron Crowe fell out of favor with the mainstream media, but his charming ode to the classic American road trip was excessively reviled by critics. Orlando Bloom wouldn’t have been my choice for the lead role, but Kirsten Dunst and a killer soundtrack cover a multitude of sins.


On my to-rent list for 2006:
“A History of Violence”
“Capote”
“The Constant Gardener”
“Crash”
“March of the Penguins”
“Munich”
“Murderball”
“Sin City”
“The Squid and the Whale”

Somebody Shoot Me

This will probably guarantee I never get a "real" movie critic job, but I'll press on …
After tonight's Wizards game (they finally won, what a shock), I was just flipping around a little bit before heading to bed and for some reason came across "The Charlie Rose Show." He was sitting around a table with four other rather strange-looking people and it took about five seconds to realize they were film critics talking about the movies of 2005.
I've made it pretty obvious that one of my "dream jobs" would be reviewing movies for a living—unless it turned me into a version of one of these leprechauns. If I wake up one day 10 or 20 years from now and I look and sound like these circus freaks, someone, please shoot me.
Since I came very late to this depressing little party, I only caught two names: Lisa Schwarzbaum (Entertainment Weekly) and A.O. Scott (NY Times). Schwarzbaum actually was the most sensible and least pretentious of the four (also the only woman on the panel, but I don't know if that has any bearing or not). I typically trust EW's reviews more than most, and she seems to at least have her pinky toe in mainstream culture (evidenced by her "A" review of "King Kong").
Scott, on the other hand (a mousy little creep of a guy), was abominable. He came right out and admitted that the only movies he likes are the "small" budget films—that no one outside of New York or LA ever sees, of course. His top three movies of the year are two documentaries and one Italian film. Give me a freakin' break.
Look, I'm all for artistic expression and trying to raise the level of the motion picture above that of, say, "Cheaper By the Dozen 2," and I am certainly not a neophyte when it comes to "indie" movies. But I'm also a person who believes it's more difficult to make a big-budget film like "Spider-Man 2" emotionally resonant than, say, "In America" (which I LOVED). I have a love and respect for both types of films, and can enjoy them equally, if differently.
These self-absorbed windbags need to spend more time outside of darkened rooms with flickering lights, because they've lost all sense of relevance in mainstream culture. If you're so pretentious and arrogant that you can't bear to praise a movie that has a modest chance at becoming a hit, then I have no use for you (which is why I never read Scott's work).
And that is why I've tried to loosely model my reviews after Roger Ebert who, though I disagree with him as much as I agree, is one of the few critics who accepts movies for what they are, and judges filmmakers by how well they accomplished what they set out to do. That's why he can give the same rating to "Capote," "King Kong," and (gasp!) "The Passion of the Christ" (the only four-star review I found for this one, by the way, save for mine). He's one of the few big-timers that still gets it: Movies are allowed to be fun, and we shouldn't turn our noses up at those who do them well.
I guess I should have known better tonight, because when I found the show, three of the four (not Schwarzbaum) were trashing "Walk the Line" and continuing to praise "Ray." That tells me all I need to know.

2005: Year of the DVD

One of the most overblown entertainment-section stories of 2005 is the box office “slump.” Every Monday all summer long we had to endure the latest installment of “The Sky is Falling in Hollywood” as weekend returns continued to “disappoint” and fall well behind the pace set by a record-breaking 2004. The theories have all been out there: too many entertainment options, the rise of DVDs and home theaters, etc.
It’s all garbage—much like this year’s offerings at the movie theater.
2004 was a great year for movies because several of the movies were—gasp—great (check out my February entry for further review). 2005, on the other hand, has been absolutely awful. Dreadful. Terrible. Stinking out the joint.
Hollywood, I guess, believes people will just wander into a theater like glassy-eyed sheep no matter what schlock is thrown up on the silver screen. And to some extent, that’s probably true; after all, “The Longest Yard” made $158 million.
But at some point moviegoers will actually demand good movies, which have been in very short supply this year. Consider the top 10:

1. “Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith,” $380.2 million
2. “War of the Worlds,” $233.3 million
3. “Wedding Crashers,” $206.5 million
4. “Batman Begins,” $205.1 million
5. “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” $204.5 million
6. “Madagascar,” $193 million
7. “Mr. and Mrs. Smith,” $185.8 million
8. “Hitch,” $179.5 million
9. “The Longest Yard,” $158.1 million
10. “Fantastic Four,” $154.1 million

Wow, isn’t that a lively bunch? I’ve seen half the titles on that list, and only two (“Batman” and “Mr. and Mrs. Smith”) were worth my money. Now, let’s compare this sad group with last year:

1. “Shrek 2,” $441.2 million
2. “Spider-Man 2,” $373.6 million
3. “The Passion of the Christ,” $370.3 million
4. “Meet the Fockers,” $279.3 million
5. “The Incredibles,” $261.4 million
6. “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban,” $249.5 million
7. “The Day After Tomorrow,” $186.7 million
8. “The Bourne Supremacy,” $176.2 million
9. “National Treasure,” $173 million
10. “The Polar Express,” $162.8 million

Actually, there is no comparison, which is why there is a two-pronged answer to why 2005 has been an “off” year at the box office. More than just this year’s lineup being not worth watching, there may not be another year like 2004 in a long, long time (come on, three of those films are in the all-time top 10!). It’s ridiculous to think back-to-back years of such stunning success were even possible. That’s why this “slump” is so overblown, even by today’s mainstream media standards. (All is not lost, of course. The fall/winter schedule is chock full of films I want to see. Whether they will be box office hits or not, I'm not sure.)
The pundits are right about one thing, though: DVD is a viable alternative. I love going to the movies, but since this summer was so bad, I turned to one of those mail-order rent-from-home programs to fill the Friday night void. I don’t have the energy to write full reviews for each and every one, but just in case you’re curious, here are the grades for everything I’ve seen on the home screen the past few months:

“24: Season 1” A
“Before Sunrise” B
“Before Sunset” B+
“Coach Carter” B
“Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 2” A-
“Elektra” D
“Entourage: Season 1” B
“Firefly: The Complete Series” B+
“The Forgotten” F
“Hard Day’s Night” B
“Hitch” B-
“In Good Company” B+
“Kung Fu Hustle” A-
“The Longest Yard” D
“Man on Fire” B
“Mr. 3000” C+
“National Treasure” C
“The Office: Season 1” A-
“Sahara” C-
“Searching for Bobby Fischer” A-
“Smallville: Seasons 1-4” A-
“The Sopranos: Season 5” A
“The Upside of Anger” B+